The Cost of Peace, The Price of War

I want to share this because it really impacted me. One of my new friends in San Diego is a marine grunt (infantry) and The other night he was telling me about being in Afghanistan. What he told me changed the way I viewed our military, I viewed the war and viewed my friend.

He only served one full tour in Afghanistan. He counts him self among the extremely lucky in the Marines. He has PTSD, like many or most that come back. He explained it wasn't from the fighting, he was never wounded and by comparison didn't see too much crazy stuff go down. He was explaining it is the stress. Every time you take a step you don't know if it will be your last, if there is an IED, if you will randomly get shot or blown up as a car passes. Every single waking second is filled with the realization that you could die any second and it wouldn't be abnormal. You reach a point where you break and you don't fear it anymore, you actually start to hope you get to be the lucky guy who gets torn in half by the IED or taken out by a bullet. You just pray it's fatal.

He was talking about how combat is nothing like you expect. You don't see them, you just hear gun shots, you have an idea of the direction and then your entire platoon opens fire in that direction just spraying and praying. It goes "pew pew"....pause..."BOOM BOOM TAT TAT ASDSADFKSSDFNNSAFSDF" (every gun going off) and then dead silence. He emphasized this point, complete silence. Not a couple little *bangs* form a few guns, everyone stops in an instant. It goes from pure chaos to nothing in the blink of an eye. He pointed out that recent movies have done a great job of capturing modern warfare and battles, but this is the one thing he has never seen them get right, they are always just a little off, like it is something that can only be done right when it is real. In about 30 seconds they just dropped 1400+ bullets into a mountainside. One bullet hit one person they were shooting at and it didn't even kill him.

 Everyone is in a single file line for the most part and about 10-20 yards apart (in case of IEDS). He heard gunfire at him and could see the branches directly above him (under tree) getting cut down. He realized he was only feet away from tiny metal pieces of death. They could have aimed an inch lower and got him. How easy it is to die, how easy it is for another person to kill, but yet somehow he was still standing unharmed.

He was in a city and a guy turned a corner and pointed an RPG at them and fired, but he forgot to take the diamond tip off it (what prevents it from exploding on you) and they watched it bounce past them, they turn to the guy and he just drops the weapon and puts his hands up, the commanding office just looks at him and fires, guy dies. We react to that partially as "how cruel, he gave up." But not a one of them batted an eye or gave it a second thought, no one even cared. He just try to kill them, it is just simpler and legal to fire back. He said they became so desensitized to death it just doesn't even matter anymore. A lot of the time people firing at them aren't even real insurgents, just locals wanting to brag to their friends that they took shots at the American. It is pretty much a penis measuring competition at times.

He told me stories of his friends that died or got injured. When he was talking about it all he was a ghost. I have hung out with this guy multiple times, funny, light hearted, jovial, a real fun guy. But when he talked about it he changed everything. His voice, his posture and most of all his eyes. His he spoke slowly, just like how people speak when they are trying to remember and explain a dream they had the night before. His posture was slumped, he looked defeated, like he has given up on something and finally his eyes, they looked like a ghost. They were filled with only two things: the past and horrible memories. He wasn't looking at us, he couldn't see us. When he told those stories he was seeing them again like watching the TV. He was in a different world, he was returning to a nightmare that he can never fully escape. 

I want to retell a few of those stories, but I just don't think I can. I think those are his stories to tell, they were his friends, his brother-in-arms. ha, brother-in-arms. I always thought I knew what that meant. You are in the trenches together, you are close, like brothers. But I realized that, though I am not wrong, that I still didn't understand it at all. I am close to my brothers; I love them dearly and consider them two of my best friends. But a brother-in-arms can be even closer. They shared the most terrible moments of their lives together. They will always be able to understand one another in a way none of the rest of us can, not even their real brothers. They will understand and forgive them when they have PTSD, when they freak out to fireworks going off, to when they get angry over nothing, but yet are angry at everything. They won't pity them, they won't sympathize, they will do something only a brother-in-arms can do, empathize. They know when they look at each other, no matter how calm and peaceful they seem on the outside, they are sharing the same hell on the inside. Some will grow past it, some will forget or remember it as a hazy dream from a different world, some will be strong for years until they get older and, like my Grandfather who fought in WW2, will wake up screaming because the only thing they see when they sleep are the ghosts of their past, the ghosts of the ones who didn't get lucky enough to see old age and some will make it back home from these countries, from these wars but they won't see old age either. I think we sometimes forget that it isn't just bullets or bombs that kill and wound our soldiers. Sometimes the emotional wounds are just as bad and worse. Sometimes the emotional wounds are fatal too.

I just want to say thank you to every single member of the armed forces, abroad and domestic. Thank you for your sacrifice, thank you for doing what so many of us are too selfish or scared to do. I want our troops to come home now and stay home. I used to want them home for economic reasons, but now I want them home not for me, but for them. I don't want to see one more solider lose their arm or leg or life. I don't want one more Mother to bury her son or Father his daughter because we are in a country that we shouldn't have had to be in the first place. I don't want the US to be the world’s police anymore. Whether it is our job or not, it just isn't worth the cost anymore.

Home At Last - The End to My European Adventure

I left Budapest shortly after the wedding with a heavy heart. I fell in love with this city. It took me in when I needed it most, it accepted me and gave me some of the best times of my life. But I left it proud and happy. I was leaving it knowing my adventure here was over, that I accomplished what I came to do and would be back someday.

I flew from Budapest to Switzerland, where I would enjoy a few days of sightseeing and then my flight home. Now Zurich is insanely expensive. To put it in perspective, the minimum wage equals $18. Yeah....crazy. Luckily for me I had a friend living there who I could stay with! Now my friend is Claudia, another German who is good friends with Anna. Claudia also living in Kansas when Anna did (different family) and we had the privilege of getting to know her as well as Anna.

On top of that Dave and Aileen were finishing up their trip in Zurich as well. So I spent the first half of my day exploring the city and the second half I met up with them for some more sightseeing and drinks. Claudia later joined us for dinner and we all had a blast. But after my 2 days in the city it was time for me to return to the United States for the first time in exactly 4 months.

I landed in Rome on September 12th at 8am. I would land in Kansas City on January 12th, 7pm. But getting home was not that simple.

Now, I know I had over stayed my VISA by a few days, I did not realize it was by 18 days.... I was hoping the Swiss wouldn't notice as I try to get through the airport, but they are to well organized for that. While I am trying to get to the International part of the airport I get stopped and escorted back to the "security" area to talk to immigration officials. After some conversation and sitting, I get slapped with a $750 fine. Now, I have just spent 4 months pack backing around Europe on my own, I felt pretty invincible at this point. I decide to try and haggle.

I look at him and say, "well, what happens if I don't pay?" He looks at me confused as if he has never heard that question before. He says I will be ban from the EU for 5-10 years. I say, "Well, we can't have that, can we? but I don't have $750, I just spent 4 months backpacking Europe...I'll give you $200." He again is startled by my counter-offer and says he needs to discuss it with others. He comes back with a new price $600. We go back and forth until we agree on $450. I could tell he was getting more and more confused during this process. He isn't exactly sure why he is negotiating with someone who is illegally in their country, in their possession, but yet he is. The best part, I just put it on a credit card anyway.

After that they let me go and I get onto my plane for my flight home. It was a nice 7 hour flight to Philadelphia. The best part was the complete lack of people on the plane. I had an entire middle row to my self to sleep on. I got to enjoy a few movies and some god-awful airplane food. When I landed and was going through customs I couldn't wipe the grin off of my face. I was back in the States and going to be home soon.

Now I have been warned about reverse culture shock. People and places are not going to be the same as I remember them, I am going to be looking at American culture from a new perspective. As I get to the gate area to wait for 4 hours for my next flight the first thing I notice is the smell. I smelled fat food. I know this sounds weird, but in Europe they eat unbelievably healthier than we do in America. I could smell the fattening food from the food court. It honestly grossed me out and I was hungary, but couldn't make my self go get something to eat. Everything looked so greasy and unappealing. I felt unhealthier just being there. It was weird feeling out of place in my own culture. It was one of the first realizations of how Europe changed me.

Trying my luck I decided to see if I can somehow get bumped to an earlier Kansas City flight. There was one earlier that I could have barely made, but didn't want to risk it. I noticed it was delayed. I ask one of the US Airway desk attendants about my chances. I explain my situation and say I totally understand if it is not possible, but if it is I would love to see my family that much sooner. She looks and tells me it doesn't look possible. I was a little bummed, but no big deal. About 15 minutes later she calls me up, hands me a ticket for the earlier flight and says "go to the Gate asap, it leaves in 30 minutes. I booked you on it for no extra charge, but left you still on your previous flight incase something goes wrong." I was so stunned, this never happens with American airline companies. She kind lady was my angel and I couldn't express my gratitude enough to her. It was going to make a 2.5 hour different in getting home. I called to let my parents know and hopped on a plane.

Now the downside was my checked bags weren't coming till the later flight, but luckily for me my amazing brother and sister-in-law were flying in to KC later that night and offered to pick them up. I got home around 8pm and could not keep my eyes open to save my life. I had woken up at 7am in Europe, which was midnight in the States. It was 3am for me and I don't know if I have ever felt that tired. I crawled into my incredibly comfortable bed and went to sleep. And then I woke up at 4am wide awake. I forced my self to stay in bed until at least 6am. The week of getting up at 6am and being wide awake was incredible. I wish so much I was a morning person, but after a week I was back to normal.

I still can't believe I did it. I can't believe I lived my dream. I quit my great job, spent my saving and spent 4 amazing months seeing Europe making new friends and making older friends even better ones. I am so blessed that I have friends and family that supported me on this adventure. I am even more excited to continue the adventure that is life, now with a new perspective, conquered fear and an excitement I had never found before.

Thank you for everyone who read my story. It has been 7 months since I returned to the United States and though I took a break from blogging, I think it is time I start again. My adventure keeps going every day, so why not bore you all with it. :-)

The End is Coming - Part 2 to the Conlusion

Now I had a short stay in Hungary again before my next trip. I kept enjoying my adventures of exploring the city. One of the best nights we had was a trip to the famous hot springs of Budapest. It was crazy to think that we were sitting in thermal heated baths that were used by the Roman Legionnaires 2000 years ago. Kind of a humbling thought.

We also took a trip to Edit's parents place in Kamahaza to restock our supply of Tokaji wine. While there we took a train into Debrecen, the second largest city in Hungary. It was considerably smaller, but had a nice feel to it. They have a gorgeous University and a historical looking downtown. We met up with one of Matt's former roommates that lives there and enjoyed a nice lunch.

Shortly after our return to Budapest I was off again. This time to Turkey. Now I could write and write on Turkey. I spent a full week there in Istanbul. It was easily the largest city I have ever been to (12-16 million). And what I didn't know until going there is that the city is the continental divide between Europe and Asia. Half the city is in one and half the other. I had this amazing moment when I was sitting on the bank overlooking the sea and looking at the Asian side and I realized that I am literally sitting on the edge of Europe. I have sat on both ends of the United States and the edge of Europe.

The city was beautiful, the people very different and the culture mind boggling at times, but I am really glad I went and visited. I have never been to a non-western country and felt like just going there and learning more about it had a profound impact on how I view the world and other cultures. I started to see how some of the differences between our cultures have created a great deal of misunderstandings between us. I think if we all tried harder to learn about and understand others cultures from THEIR perspective, not our own our world would be a better place.

After a week in Istanbul, a boat ride to a remote island with no cars and some other crazy adventures I was ready to leave. Though when I got back to Hungary I was leaving the next morning for Germany again, haha. I enjoyed a nights sleep and a change of cloths and then back in the air!

I landed in Frankfurt and was greeted by Matt and his Dad. I cannot thank the Shaws enough for their generosity in letting my stay with them. I was struggling a little bit about missing Christmas with my family and they made me feel like one of the family right away. We all had a blast. It was days filled with laughter, jokes, deep conversations and exploration of a new city. Christmas eve we went to the church service on the military base. It was nice to have be surrounded by English speakers again for the holiday, also strange. It is a very weird feeling when I felt confused by being able to understand everyone for once.

Christmas day was a riot. We enjoyed an amazing breakfast followed by dinner and boardgames. The Shaws were even kind enough to get me a Christmas present, which was more than they needed to do. It was honestly one of my favorite Christmas days I have ever had. The day after Christmas a few of the friends started getting in for the wedding. Dave and Aileen Barnes, along with Kieran and Laurie McBride. This just added to the fun as I now had some more American friends to explore Germany with.

Finally, I headed by to Budapest with Matt to help him prepare for both the wedding and the onslaught of Americans that were getting ready to arrive. Shortly after our friends started getting there, including my good friend Greg Brink. Let me tell you, Greg and I had beyond an amazing time together. Most of the Americans visiting were couples, so Greg and I paired up and owned that city. We adventured, we drank, we recovered from drinking in the hot springs (best idea ever).

Amazingly, the week was the best week of my life. My three favorite days all happened in that short span. New Years with Matt and Edit (champagne, fireworks, new years pretzels), Matt's bachelor party [Censored] and Matt and Edit's wedding.

After the wedding was far less fun. Hungarians have a tradition of drinking and the tradition is only amplified during weddings. The 3 hour car ride the next day was one of my least favorite memories. Not to mention when Greg and I got back to my apartment we were locked out. I guess our landlord decided to come into our apartment while we were gone (illegal) and locked both locks (only have key to one). He wasn't home and his phone was off. My phone was out of minutes, I had a few dollars on Skype to make phone calls but my iPad was 5% from death. Greg and I spent 2 hours hung over, laying in a hallway. Not my finest moment. Luckily Matt was able to track down our landlords mother (I know...I know) and she got ahold of him to come let us in. He had the gaul to get frustrated with us for not carrying both keys. My response was, "DON'T GO INTO OUR APARTMENT?!?!!"

Well, I Guess I should Finish the Story, shouldn't I? Part 1

At this point, 7 months later, I really am finishing my story more for my self than anyone who was reading my adventures.

After returning from Paris to Budapest I enjoyed the comfort of "going home" to Budapest. The truth is around that time Budapest really started to feel like home to me. Kansas City will always be my true home, but I had something in Budapest I have never acquired before. I felt ownership of the city. When I remember Budapest, I remember it like a good friend. I don't just see the beautiful buildings, the kind people, the raging Danube, I see the soul of the city. I see it smiling at me, welcoming me back.

To add to my treat of coming back it was Thanksgiving, which sadly is not celebrated much in Europe....Gees, they must be crazy. But luckily for me Matt's parents just happened to come celebrate this holiday with us and as an added bonus, they brought a turkey and some traditional American food from the military base his Dad works on in Germany. While we hung out at Edit's apartment, talked, watched football, the amazing Beth Shaw cooked us an amazing Thanksgiving dinner.

Now, I had one more trip planned, to Southern Germany and then I was heading back to the States for Christmas. This was bittersweet, since Matt and Edit's wedding was in early January and I had become so close to not just them, but their families. But my VISA was going to expire and I was running out of money. But I couldn't shake this feeling that if I left now I would regret it. I didn't feel like my adventure was done. So I talked to my awesome Mom and her response was "You can have Christmas with us every year, but you will regret it if you miss this wedding." I could never ask or imagine a more amazing Mother than mine. Supports me when I want to quit my job and backpack Europe. Encourages me to live my life to its fullest everyday.

So without telling Matt I change my flight (sadly another $500, but worth it). The next day we are over at Edit's with the Shaws and I tell Matt and Edit that I have their wedding present already and it seems fitting to give it to them now. I hand Matt an envelope with my changed flight itinerary in it. He looks confused and reads it over and I could see the moment when he realized exactly what it was. I told him that due to its cost, this might be the only one they get from me. And I can tell you deciding to stay was one of the best decisions I made.

No what I had to figure out was first, what am I going to do for Christmas? Being as blessed as I am the Shaw's immediately offered to take me in and let me celebrate it with them in Heidlburg, Germany. Edit's family offered to let me spend it with them as well and a few other families in Europe all offered. I can't tell you how lucky I am to have not only had such an amazing European adventure, but to have all these amazing families willing to let me spend the holiday with them. I decided to spend it with the Shaws, since I was looking forward to seeing Matt's brothers who are good friends of mine and see a new part of Germany.

Shortly after this weekend I left for Munich and Southern Germany for a week. I spent 2 days in Munich seeing this beautiful city. Now, I had been to Munich as a kid and have a series of memories from it and was looking forward to how many of those matched up to the present. I did a walking tour and just enjoyed this amazing city. I enjoyed the famous Bavarian Beer, which lives up to its name. And enjoyed watching the famous clock tower in the city center do its noon show.

There were two interesting facts that stood out to me that I didn't know. Firstly, the Nazi moment of the 1920/30s started in Munich. Secondly, only about 4 buildings in the city are the originals from before World War 2 and they are the four tallest. See, precise bombing was difficult during that time period. What the bombardiers used as a reference point was the tallest buildings, so they made sure not to destroy them. But luckily, the city of Munich kept such detailed records of the city and its buildings that they were able to recreate the city in almost its entirety.

After my few days in Munich I was going to visit two of my friends Anna and Volker and their one year-old Leo. They live about two hours away in Ravensburg. Anna was an exchange student with my Grandparents when I was 13. She became family instantly and we still stay in close contact 13 years later. Volker came and picked me up and we enjoyed a nice scenic drive down the autobahn. I enjoyed a few calm days in a beautiful, smaller Germany city. We visited Anna's family a few hours North one day as well.

One of the best parts of this trip was our visit to Nue Schawnstein Castle! This was my favorite place when I was a kid. It is the famous Sleeping Beauty castle built in Southern Germany by the "Mad" King Ludwig the II. It was as breath taking as I remembered. Nestled on a mountain top, surrounded by cliffs.

Anna was kind enough to drive me back to Munich a few days later for my flight back to Budapest. This was one of my calmest but favorite trips in Europe. Just spending time with people close to you, enjoying the food, the winter festivals and the great food.

Last Day in Paris

My last day in Paris and yet I still have so much to see. I start the day off with the same walk through the city, but take a few different streets and alleys, but yet end up in the same spot. What great city planning. Like a maze, except it always leads you right back to the center if you get lost.

I first go to the Louvre. So much great artwork to see. Once I get inside I understand why they say you can spend a lifetime in the Louvre and still never see it all. I decided to pick out the famous pieces and head straight to them, admiring other pieces as I went. Of course the highlight was the Mona Lisa. I feel privileged to have seen it in the flesh. But in truth, it was very small and uninspiring. I appreciated more that I was looking at a work of Leonardo Di Vinci more than the work its self. Still worth it.

After this I wander from famous piece to famous piece, which are properly spread out giving me a pretty full tour. After about 2.5 hours I am exhausted and ready to leave. From the Louvre I wander to Notre Dame. I don't go inside, but I buy a crepe and eat it outside! It is on this walk I have my adventure with the scam artist. For more on that, read my post on getting scammed. One of my favorite memories from my trip by far.

After Notre Dame I walk to the modern art museum, which looks awesome and completely out of place in this city. It is a series of colored tubes and pipes sticking out of an industrial looking building made of glass and steel. I didn't go inside, but outside was fun enough. You have artists all over, musicians, cheap back massages, and anything else you can think of. It was just fun to sit in the sun and take it all in.

While wondering I found that there is a "history of video games expo" in town. I don't know if you know me, but I kind of love video games. A lot. So I head there, which is not as easy as it seems because I am an idiot. After walking to the wrong buildings all over town, being completely exhausted, feeling like my legs are dead and the sun setting I find the place. I pay the overly-priced fee and go inside. It was pretty cool I must say. I ran through the history, while allowing you to play famous games from every era of gaming. but the exhibit was pretty short, which was sad and made the cost-benefit even lower, but oh well.

After this I head back to the apartment. Tonight I am going out to dinner in a real Parisian restaurant with Isabel and her husband. It is a small place and we sat there for hours on end, eating amazing food and drinking french wine. What better French experience could I ask for? What a perfect way to end the trip and I am glad we did it.

Sadly, the next morning I return to Hungary. I say good-bye to everyone, which is sad. Even in the small time I spent with them I grew to like the family, very, very much. I plan to stay in touch with Paul and Clemence through Facebook. I told them they can keep practicing their English with me until I finally convince them to visit the States.

No post on the trip home - it was uneventful, but great to be back in my apartment after 20 days on the road.

Back To The France Story

So you may be thinking "Tom...you were in France 2 months ago, we don't care," or "Dang Tom, you are lazy and slow, but write away because I am going to read it anyway." To the latter, thank you. To the first, my only advice is to stop reading here, but please click on some ads on the way out.

So, for my first full day in Paris I did what anyone would do, walk around and be utterly amazed at its beauty. Paris has always been on my list of cities to visit, not because I had a deep desire to see it, but merely because it is one of the worlds great cities. This trip changed all of that. I finally understood why it is one of the great cities. It is grand, beautiful, elegant and classy, while at the same time having a local, artsy almost grungy feel. In two simple words Paris is uniquely magnificent.

I could do nothing else but just wander random, average streets and still feel like I have visited a completely new world. It is a crazy thing when the average is breath taking. So many cities are beautiful and amazing, but Paris is just so different. In other cities you can see where the first plan for the city started, the design. But then you can see how a new idea or designer came in and started to reshape it. Still beautiful, but you can view it in chunks of time periods or designers. But Paris is so different. It looks like in the start one person put down a master plan for the city and no one ever broke from it. That doesn't mean the style doesn't change or alter with time periods or the type of district it is, but it feels that the original planner designed the city to do exactly that. Every brush stroke painted, every new building built, regardless of whom did them, was just fulfilling the original master plan. And what brings the entire city together? The Eiffel tower right in the middle. Like a shinning beacon providing a guiding light to the middle of the majestic city.

I started my day walking from where I was staying to the city center. Down different streets and alleys. I passed right by the Moulin Rouge and through the art district. One of the things I immediately knew I liked about the city was that blocks were themed by store. I walked down an entire street dedicated to selling musical instruments. One for books, etc. In other cities you spread out stores, but here they condensed them into single streets. There is a unique fun to it that overwhelms my business sense wanting to correct them on it from a sales strategy.

I eventually make it down to the city center, after passing the Opera House, some amazing churches, and a Greek looking temple which I will assume is very famous by is sheer size and location. The city center is incredible. You have two Egyptian obelisks next to matching fountains while thousands of cars drive by. To one direction you have a park that ends in the Louve, to the other the famous long street ending in the arch and to another direction you see the Eiffel Tower just sitting in the distance.

I walk down the long street to the arch. I don't want to pay to go up it, so I just walk around and take the typical tourist photos. I continue down my path, now heading to the Eiffel tower. Along the way I find a bakery and enjoy some actual "french bread." It lives up to its name. The best bread I have ever eaten was in fact, in Paris.

I pass the Iranian Embassy, something I have never seen before. It is the only one on the street with police in front of it (I wonder why....oh yeah...). Finally I reach the Eiffel Tower. I take a series of photos and then decide to climb it. Climbing the stairs is both cheaper and less waiting. After a tiring walk I get to the first floor and it has a good view of the city, but nothing great. I decide to go to the second floor. About equal distance walking, but much better view. Now, I won't lie - at least right now - I haven't met someone who I told I walked both flights to that wasn't impressed and surprised.

Once there you can pay extra to take an elevator to the very top. Thinking it is worth it since I am here, I go for it. The view is amazing and if you visit, worth paying extra for. You can see the entire city and far past it. I spend an hour or so at the top just looking around the city and then looking again. I reflect, think and appreciate. I can do nothing but feel thankful that I am there right then seeing what I am seeing. If you ever here my complain about life, slap me and remind me of that single moment. I have no right to complain about anything in life, but appreciate.

After this I take the long walk home. I could go on and on about the buildings I saw, the places I visited, but there are so many. Every building I walked past feels like it deserves mention, but this post is long enough as is.